


Save Me in Silence

by papesdontsellthemselves



Series: Greaser AU [3]
Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Greasers, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Failed though, Happy Ending tho, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, this scene was mentioned in 'never quite settled' which is also in the greaser au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 02:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18459188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papesdontsellthemselves/pseuds/papesdontsellthemselves
Summary: Race on the other hand seemed to inflate.  He was never home, always out picking fights and causing trouble doing god knows what with Socs around town.  He seemed to live off of the manic energy, staying up until he physically couldn’t anymore and bounding out of the house before Jack and Albert even had a chance to wake up.





	Save Me in Silence

**Author's Note:**

> TW: suicide attempt/suicidal thoughts, implied child abuse

Jack didn’t sleep through the night anymore. 

It was ironic, really. When their father was around, Jack easily slept through until morning, despite the loud clanging of beer bottles and angry shouts. But now that there was silence, each night passed slowly. Almost unsettlingly. They were free, he knew that, but it still felt like there was a catch. Something bad waiting to happen. Something worse in the silence.

When their father finally disappeared, Jack had expected to be much more relieved. As if his absence would erase the memories and the nightmares that plagued them would cease. The opposite effect, however, seemed to take place. Albert stopped eating, refusing to allow Jack to place food on his plate. He fought tooth and nail every night, screaming until Jack gave up and allowed him to retreat to his room with some dry cereal. It was far from efficient, but it was the only compromise they could seem to reach.

Why Albert rejected food, Jack didn’t know. They never really had a shortage of food when their father was around, but there wasn’t an abundance either. Jack always made sure there was something around and Albert never had a problem with what he brought home. 

A distant part of him wondered if his lack of an appetite had any correlation to the times when he’d stumble into Jack’s room, breathing forgotten and eyes wide and teary. But he never did have time for the logistics of it. He’d just deal with it one day at a time, making sure his youngest brother didn’t starve to death.

Race on the other hand seemed to inflate. He was never home, always out picking fights and causing trouble doing god knows what with Socs around town. He seemed to live off of the manic energy, staying up until he physically couldn’t anymore and bounding out of the house before Jack and Albert even had a chance to wake up. 

In some ways, it was concerning. This behavior wasn’t entirely out of character, just uncharacteristically amplified. Though Jack supposed it could be worse. He could be openly breaking down. Which he wasn’t. In fact, Jack hadn’t seen him shed a single tear since their father left, which was a small victory in and of itself.

Tonight, however, the energy in the house seemed off. 

Jack laid in his bed, eyes staring through the darkness at the blank ceiling above him. Albert was asleep next to him, breathing evenly and peacefully. Jack usually used this as a catalyst to get back to sleep, the firsthand evidence of his brother’s safety present right near him. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

He strained his ears, unsure of what he was listening for. Race climbing in through his window, maybe. Although he was fairly certain he’d heard that earlier when Albert had come into his room. 

He rolled over, trying to shake the anxiety, but the longer he forced his eyes closed, the stronger it got. Finally, he heaved himself up with a groan, accepting the fact that he wouldn’t be sleeping until all his mental boxes were checked.

He carefully opened the door, trying his best not to wake Albert. He left the door open, foreseeing that he’d have to reenter and deeming it better to move the door less. 

The wooden floor was cold beneath his bare feet, waking him up even more. Quietly, he padded down the hallway, approaching Race’s room to see light bleeding under the door. A small wave of relief loosened the vice that gripped his heart, but the vice took fast hold again when he opened his younger brother’s door to find that he wasn’t there.

He froze, eyes scanning the room in alarm. He could have sworn he’d heard Race come home and one quick glance over his bedroom floor confirmed his suspicions. His shoes and leather jacket were strewn haphazardly across the floor. Race was somewhere in the house

An unidentifiable wave of nausea rolled through him and he willed himself to move from his place in Race’s doorway. As he made his way to the kitchen, he realized he had no idea where he intended to look. He froze again in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room, completely lost. His worry for his brother threatened to choke him, but he felt utterly helpless. 

A sob sounded somewhere next to him and Jack’s head snapped in the direction of the door that led to the garage. His gaze landed on where light was flooding under the garage door and he strode forward, hand hastily gripping the doorknob.

He froze momentarily, fearful of what he might find on the other side, but another sob sent a shock of adrenaline through him and he swung open the door. 

“Race? Shit!”

Race stood on a chair in the middle of the room, back facing Jack. Jack’s eyes traveled up to the rope that hung from the ceiling of the garage, secured tightly around the wooden scaffolding. Race was gripping the rope in a trembling hand, some distance above his head, the other end wrapped in a loop around his neck.

His intentions became terrifyingly clear as Jack took in the scene.

Race didn’t seem to hear Jack, too lost to his own mind. He was crying, the force of it causing him to double over slightly, pulling the rope tauter around his neck. Tremors were ripping through his body, choking his sobs and forcing unfulfilling breaths through them. His legs were shaking the hardest, rivaled only by his hands, and Jack wasn’t sure how much longer he could support his own body weight. Or how much longer he planned to.

Jack forced himself to take a measured breath, aware that if he didn’t do something now, the chance to fix this would never arise. He crossed on shaky legs around the chair, placing himself directly in front of his younger brother.

Race’s eyes were squeezed shut, jaw clenched impossibly tight. He looked like he was trying and failing to reign in his emotions- focus long enough to follow through. But he couldn’t seem to regain control.

Careful not to startle him too bad, but aware that he was going to jump no matter what, Jack reached up, patting Race gently on the chest to get his attention. He could feel the 15 year old’s heart beating rapidly under his palm.

Race jerked violently, eyes flying open with a gasp. He looked around wildly for a moment before spotting Jack, recoiling from his touch.

“Jack,” His voice was panicked, rough, “What’re ya- I-”

He cut himself off, swallowing. His eyes seemed to widen even more as the color drained from his face.

“Race, buddy, canya come down from there?” Jack spoke softly, trying to keep his tone steady.

The determination returned to Race’s eyes and he stepped a fraction of an inch backwards in the chair, “Go back inside!” He shouted.

Jack cringed at the noise, briefly hoping Albert was still asleep in his bed, blissfully unaware of what was happening several rooms away.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere without ya, Racer,” Jack said, firmly, “Come on down and we’ll go inside. Figure this out.”

“I don’t wanna figure this out,” Race sobbed, hitting the fist that wasn’t holding the rope to his thigh, “I want out! I don’t wanna do this anymore, it’s too much!”

“What’s too much?” Jack pushed, trying to get anything out of Race. As long as he was talking, he was safe.

“I just-” Race’s breaths seemed to grow heavier still, “I don’t know what to do with myself, I- it’s too loud, too loud. I don’t- Jack, go!”

Jack’s face darkened as his eyebrows knit tighter in concern. Even on the worst nights with their father, he’d never seen Race this worked up. It was disturbing in a sense- haunting. He knew that the desperate look in Race’s eyes would stick with him forever.

“Jackie?”

Jack cursed inwardly as a new voice called out from the doorway to the garage. Race winced, head hanging in embarrassment and hand dropping to his side as Albert stepped farther into the room.

“Race? Jack, what’s Race doin’?”

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Jack said, refusing to look away from Race, “Go back inside.”

Race had his face buried in his hands, hiccups muffled by his fingers.

“Is Race gonna be okay?” Albert pressed, “He sounds really not good.”

Jack sighed, feeling entirely out of his depth, “M’figurin’ it out, Al. Please go back inside.”

Albert cast one more glance at Race’s hunched stature before nodding and turning on his heel to go back inside, heading in the direction of Jack’s bedroom.

“Fuck,” Race mumbled, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes and grasping at his blonde curls.

Jack flicked his eyes to the side, spotting another chair adjacent to him and swiftly moving to grab it. He dragged it parallel to the chair Race was on and stepped up onto it.

“Lift your head a sec, kid,” Jack muttered, reaching out to tap Race’s chin. 

Race bit his lip, lifting his head slightly and moving his palms away from his eyes, though his grip on his hair remained strong. His gaze stayed fixated on the floor and the hollowness that Jack saw in his eyes broke his heart.

He reached out to gently coax Race’s hands away from his hair, then gingerly removed the rope from around his neck. Race stayed still, ragged breaths being the only sound coming from him.

“C’mon, Tony,” Jack said, squeezing his shoulder, “Step down with me.”

Race hesitated, his eyes meeting Jack’s for a tense moment before snapping back to the ground.

“Okay,” He whispered.

They climbed off the chairs, Jack leading Race inside wordlessly. They seemed to move on autopilot towards Jack’s bedroom before Race stopped outside, eyeing Albert’s fidgeting form on the bed warily.

“Gimme a sec,” Jack said to him, before leaning further into the room. Race stepped to the side, lingering just out of view.

Albert lifted his head, worried eyes shining in the dark, “Is-”

“Yeah, he’s here,” Jack said, “Think ya can handle a night in your own room, bud?”

Albert looked like he wanted to argue, but for once, he seemed to realize the logic behind Jack’s words.

“Uh huh,” He pushed himself out of Jack’s bed, and moved tiredly across the room, “Love you, Jack.”

Jack ruffled his hair, pulling him to his chest for a moment and planting a kiss on top of the 13 year old’s head, “Love you, too.”

Albert wriggled out of his embrace and hugged Race, who tensed up, head tilting towards the ceiling. 

“Love you, Race.”

Race didn’t answer and Albert blinked up at him for a moment before letting him go and crossing to his own bedroom.

“C’mon,” Jack said, “Let’s get inta bed.”

Race shook his head, “I can sleep on my own.”

 

“Like hell I’m leavin’ ya alone right now,” Jack scoffed, softening immediately when the shamed look on Race’s face etched itself deeper, “Listen, kid, I jus’ wanna make sure you’re safe. Jus’ for tonight.”

Race scuffed the floor with his socked foot, looking pensive, “Yeah, I- okay.”

Jack let him walk in first, watching as he kicked off his jeans and crawled into the space Albert had previously occupied. Jack took a deep breath, climbing in opposite of him. Race curled up on his side, facing away from Jack. 

A few moments passed in heavy silence before a soft keening noise sounded from Race and he began to cry again.

Jack blinked away his own tears, not allowing himself to give in to the fear and shock from that night quite yet. He shifted onto his elbow and scooted closer to Race, placing a hand on his bicep and soothing the area with his thumb. 

He kissed his younger brother’s shoulder, softly tugging until Race rolled over and melted into his chest.

He maneuvered them so that Race was laying across his chest and wrapped his arms protectively around him.

“I’m sorry, Jackie,” Race’s voice was thick and strained and Jack ran a hand through his sweaty hair, shushing him.

“It’s alright, Racer,” he soothed, “I’m not gonna letcha go anywhere.”

“I hate myself,” The brokenness in Race’s voice sent a shiver down Jack’s spine, “And I fuckin’ hate that Albert saw me fuckin’ lose my mind.”

“Don’t worry about him right now,” Jack instructed, “Ya gotta slow it down, kid. Take a breath.”

Race forced a shaky breath into his lungs and burrowed his nose into Jack’s neck, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jack said, sincerely, “I love ya. I needya to stay here with me, aight? I need both my brothers here.”

Race nodded, tears staining Jack’s skin.

Neither of them slept that night. Eventually, Race’s breathing evened out and they were left in a dark quiet that stretched on for hours. Jack willed himself to keep steady, to be a rock for his brother who so badly needed something to latch onto right now.

He was mad at himself. Mad that he hadn’t seen the signs sooner or delved into Race’s odd behaviors sooner. How could he not have seen it? 

As the night wore on, leading to a sunrise that brought bright tendrils of light into the bedroom, Jack swore to himself that he wouldn’t let either of his brothers get that low again. He was going to keep them safe. He was going to see them through this time of healing. He wasn’t going to lose another goddamn person in his life.

And that was a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!  
> feedback is always appreciated


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